Title: The Biffy & the Bear Author: karalianne Summary: A woman on a road trip makes a pit stop and then there's a bear... Fandom: N/A Characters/Pairing: N/A Warnings? N/A Rating: G Words: 729
I hate biffies.
The problem with this, I realized as I drove down the highway from Winnipeg to Thunder Bay, was that there weren’t many places along the way that had plumbing... and I had definitely had more to drink at lunch than I should have.
It’s funny, but needing to pee makes me drive faster. I’m not really sure why. So I wasn’t surprised when I got pulled over for speeding just outside Whiteshell Provincial Park. Happily, the officer took pity on me and pointed me to the nearest rest stop. Unfortunately, he followed me there.
I parked on the gravel pad and got out of my car. Things did not look promising: that painted-brown wood building was too small to have stalls and sinks.
I opened the door to the ladies’ and sagged. The room was large, but there was only one knee-height white protrusion in the middle, and the smell told me I had indeed arrived at a biffy. I approached carefully after hanging my purse on the doorknob. There was nowhere to place it but the floor, and the painted blue-grey cement did not look clean. At least there was toilet paper on a rack on the wall.
I sat cautiously on the edge of the seat and finished my business. I got up and righted my clothing, then went to the door and picked up my purse from the handle.
I opened the door.
Then I closed it immediately.
There was a bear out there!
At least, I thought it was a bear. I’m a city girl, so it’s plausible that I would mistake it for something else. But this was a huge shaggy brown thing that looked kind of like a gigantic dog with no tail.
The cop, who had been taking a smoke break, was back inside his vehicle. The bear was nosing around my car, smelling it all over.
I peeked outside again and watched as the bear put its front paws on the hood of my car. The vehicle bounced with the added weight. I reached into my purse to grab my cell phone. There was a cop there, but that didn’t mean we wouldn’t need backup. I felt around for a moment, then remembered I’d left the device in the cup holder in the car. Damn.
The bear dropped back down to all fours and snuffled its way over to the police car. It did the same thing, putting its front paws up on the hood of the car.
Then the police officer started his car. The bear jumped away from the car and swung its head around. I closed the door again and locked it, just to be safe.
I heard some shuffling and snuffling around the door of the biffy and waited several minutes after the noises disappeared. When I next opened the door, the bear was gone and the officer was back on his smoke break, playing with his cell phone.
I came out of the building, slipping my purse over my shoulder. “Was that a bear?” I said, stopping at the police car.
“Sure was,” said the officer. “Did you get any photos?”
“No, my phone is in the car,” I said.
“Too bad. He was a real beaut,” he replied. “I’m posting mine to the department’s Facebook page. You can find them later.”
I nodded and went over to my car. I examined the hood but amazingly enough there were no claw marks. I checked the dress hanging in the back seat and got into the car. As I passed the officer on my way back to the highway, he waved. I raised my hand in farewell and continued on my way.
And that is why I am drinking in your fine establishment tonight. I did not make it to Thunder Bay so I am staying in a room upstairs. My sister’s wedding is in three days. It’s a good thing she’s my sister or I’d be back home by now. Next time someone’s getting married, I’m flying or taking a train or something. This is ridiculous. Biffies and bears indeed.
Hm. I appear to be out of whisky. I suppose I’ve had enough. Time for me to go to my room and get some rest, I guess. Is there someone who can help me upstairs? I’m not sure I can walk that far...
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branchandroot
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Date: May. 8th, 2014 06:01 am (UTC)Author: karalianne
Summary: A woman on a road trip makes a pit stop and then there's a bear...
Fandom: N/A
Characters/Pairing: N/A
Warnings? N/A
Rating: G
Words: 729
I hate biffies.
The problem with this, I realized as I drove down the highway from Winnipeg to Thunder Bay, was that there weren’t many places along the way that had plumbing... and I had definitely had more to drink at lunch than I should have.
It’s funny, but needing to pee makes me drive faster. I’m not really sure why. So I wasn’t surprised when I got pulled over for speeding just outside Whiteshell Provincial Park. Happily, the officer took pity on me and pointed me to the nearest rest stop. Unfortunately, he followed me there.
I parked on the gravel pad and got out of my car. Things did not look promising: that painted-brown wood building was too small to have stalls and sinks.
I opened the door to the ladies’ and sagged. The room was large, but there was only one knee-height white protrusion in the middle, and the smell told me I had indeed arrived at a biffy.
I approached carefully after hanging my purse on the doorknob. There was nowhere to place it but the floor, and the painted blue-grey cement did not look clean. At least there was toilet paper on a rack on the wall.
I sat cautiously on the edge of the seat and finished my business. I got up and righted my clothing, then went to the door and picked up my purse from the handle.
I opened the door.
Then I closed it immediately.
There was a bear out there!
At least, I thought it was a bear. I’m a city girl, so it’s plausible that I would mistake it for something else. But this was a huge shaggy brown thing that looked kind of like a gigantic dog with no tail.
The cop, who had been taking a smoke break, was back inside his vehicle. The bear was nosing around my car, smelling it all over.
I peeked outside again and watched as the bear put its front paws on the hood of my car. The vehicle bounced with the added weight. I reached into my purse to grab my cell phone. There was a cop there, but that didn’t mean we wouldn’t need backup. I felt around for a moment, then remembered I’d left the device in the cup holder in the car. Damn.
The bear dropped back down to all fours and snuffled its way over to the police car. It did the same thing, putting its front paws up on the hood of the car.
Then the police officer started his car. The bear jumped away from the car and swung its head around. I closed the door again and locked it, just to be safe.
I heard some shuffling and snuffling around the door of the biffy and waited several minutes after the noises disappeared. When I next opened the door, the bear was gone and the officer was back on his smoke break, playing with his cell phone.
I came out of the building, slipping my purse over my shoulder. “Was that a bear?” I said, stopping at the police car.
“Sure was,” said the officer. “Did you get any photos?”
“No, my phone is in the car,” I said.
“Too bad. He was a real beaut,” he replied. “I’m posting mine to the department’s Facebook page. You can find them later.”
I nodded and went over to my car. I examined the hood but amazingly enough there were no claw marks. I checked the dress hanging in the back seat and got into the car. As I passed the officer on my way back to the highway, he waved. I raised my hand in farewell and continued on my way.
And that is why I am drinking in your fine establishment tonight. I did not make it to Thunder Bay so I am staying in a room upstairs. My sister’s wedding is in three days. It’s a good thing she’s my sister or I’d be back home by now. Next time someone’s getting married, I’m flying or taking a train or something. This is ridiculous. Biffies and bears indeed.
Hm. I appear to be out of whisky. I suppose I’ve had enough. Time for me to go to my room and get some rest, I guess. Is there someone who can help me upstairs? I’m not sure I can walk that far...